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Post by henry on Jul 1, 2011 0:30:33 GMT -6
Part One: The Death of the Prince ~----~ Six hours after leaving ~----~
What have I done? Luna above, what have I done? Something deep within Henry told him that he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life. Or perhaps his life had just been the culmination of a shitton of mistakes. He couldn't decide and he didn't care to dwell on it. What was done was done. He'd broken his promise to Elina and now she knew about it. Guilt tore through him no matter what he did to try and stop it. But it all went so much deeper than that. For once in his life, something had gone right. Against all odds, he'd fallen in love with an amazing woman who accepted him. His heart thumped painfully against his ribs just like it had been doing for the past six hours and it felt like someone had banded silver around his chest. It had been so long since his mother had left, but he thought this was worse. So much worse. It didn't feel like it then, but his mother leaving had been gradual. Even after she'd left, he'd harbored hope that she'd come back. That she'd kiss his hair and tell him everything was alright, that she'd be there for him when he needed her. That hope had faded gradually, and only when it was fully extinguished had the pain really set in.
This time, he'd been the one to leave. He'd actually found happiness despite everything he'd done to drive people away. Elina had worn down his walls and made a warm home for herself in his heart. It was a place within himself that he cherished. He loved Elina more than his next breath. And he'd betrayed her trust. He'd betrayed her. He should have told her about Adrienne the moment he got back to the suite. Hell, he shouldn't have slept with Adrienne in the first place. He'd thought the truth would never come out. How many situations had he been in over the past where he hadn't been caught at something? He should have known from the start that this was different. And then it had all happened so fast. The confrontation. The truth. And he did the only thing it seemed he knew how to do. He ran. But what choice did he have? There was no way he could face the hurt and disappointment in Elina's eyes. And so he'd left before she could reject him.
The rough bark of a tree scraped into his back painfully, but it was nothing compared to the pain on the inside. Henry was out of control and he knew it. His face was damp with tears that wouldn't stop falling as he rested his head in his hands, Elina's engagement ring resting on his pinky finger. Anger, hurt, guilt, and unimaginable pain tore through him at the same time, ripping him apart. He clutched one arm across his middle as if he was trying to hold himself together. It didn't help. He couldn't breathe. What air he managed to get was let out on ragged sobs almost immediately. His world had ended this day. This was why he hadn't wanted to fall in love in the first place! How could anyone survive something like this? Henry lifted his head up and leaned it against the tree behind him to stare at the canopy overhead. Light from the half moon filtered down through the leaves, casting everything with a dappled glow. Such beauty in the middle of such hell, and the irony was nearly lost on him. "Luna, help me..." It was nothing more than a broken whisper and only silence answered him. His head dropped back down and he cried. He cried like he hadn't done in over a century. He cried for the guilt that ate away at him. He cried for a broken heart and a broken man. He cried for a love lost before it had gotten the chance to grow. He cried at the realization that he'd just lost everything. And he cried because there was nowhere left for him to hide. He was raw, open, and exposed... and he cried.
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Post by henry on Jul 1, 2011 0:31:54 GMT -6
Part Two: This Officially Sucks ~----~ Two weeks later ~----~
Henry walked across the beach of Florida, the sun-warmed sand shifting under his bare feet. The temperature had dropped drastically over the last couple hours and he could feel a storm blowing in. The sky to the East was dark and brooding, much like his thoughts, and most of the people on the beach had the common sense to get inside long before now. He'd stayed, though. He preferred the solitude. He liked to imagine himself back on the beach at home with the fading, golden sunlight reflecting off of the water. He stopped walking and stared off into the horizon, trying and failing to imagine that scene without Elina in it. He should have known better. She was always in his thoughts. Just like that, it felt like he was trying to swallow a bowling ball again. It was a feeling he'd been fighting for awhile now. He hadn't cried since that night he'd left, but for a few tears that escaped his control on occasion and he could feel them creeping up on him now. Sitting down in the sand with a sigh, Henry kept his eyes on the water, hoping that it would soothe his mind and his heart even though the tactic had been failing him with surprising consistency.
Loneliness was something the prince was used to, but being away from everyone he knew, being away from his family and his pack, being away from Elina.... It was killing him. Without realizing he was doing it, he twisted the ring on his finger. For the millionth time, he contemplated going back. Luna, how could he? He'd royally screwed up everything he'd touched. How could he bear to face them when he could barely stomach himself? He couldn't expect forgiveness this time. He'd crossed too many lines and burned too many bridges. One hand came up and he rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. Lycans weren't meant to be alone. As much as he'd closed himself off from those who'd cared about him, at least they'd been there.
Sitting there in quiet contemplation, he thought about his childhood. He knew who he was supposed to be, who he'd been trained to be. Before his mother had left, he'd almost managed to grow into that person. Then his entire world had changed. He'd still gone to the lessons, still showed up at court, still made appearances. But it was inside that had changed. Rebeckah's abandonment had changed everything. In some respects, Henry hated himself for basically turning into her. What had he done to Elina, but the very thing that had shattered him? He'd left her, and the wedding was rapidly approaching. His heart screamed at him to go back and to go as fast as he could. Henry Niall didn't move from his position on the sand. After the things he'd done, he didn't deserve to be happy. And he wasn't going to go back. Standing up, he realized that the beach was deserted now, and he made his way back to the small cabin he'd been renting. He'd just better get used to being alone. There was nothing else for him to do.
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Post by henry on Jul 1, 2011 0:33:57 GMT -6
Part Three: I'm Such a Fool ~----~ One week and three days later ~----~
Henry was leaning back in the rickety chair on the deck of his cabin. The storm had blown over without too much incident and he was trying to enjoy the clear skies. He stretched his legs out and propped them on the deck railing in front of him, watching a few white paint chips fall as he did so. This area was a bit out of the way and run down, but the rent was cheap and there weren't many people around. It also fit another of his requirements that it had access to a wooded area. He'd been running around in it, but it didn't bring him any relief or joy. Not anymore. Not after everything that had happened. He pushed away his thoughts of the past and focused on his lemonade. It needed a bit more sugar.
Soft footsteps sounded on the sand and Henry turned his head. Jessica, the tiny blonde from the next cabin over was slowly making her way over to him, a towel under her arm. She looked up long enough to see him watching her and she waved. He stayed where he was, looking back out over the sand and the water. Jessica made her way up his steps and leaned against the deck's post, a small smile playing at the edges of her mouth. "Still here, huh?" She'd been asking him the same thing since he got here. It didn't exactly get on his nerves, but he thought a simple "hello" would have sufficed. "Still here." He looked at her as she plopped herself down in the chair next to him as if she had every right to be there. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He didn't really care what she did.
They sat there in silence for a time before she abruptly turned to him. "I know what you are." Henry slowly turned his head and looked at her. She didn't look afraid, or even boastful like she was proud of figuring it out. "I saw you go into the woods last night. Well, the other you, I guess. Besides, you never trip or stumble in the sand. Much too graceful for a human. I was a bit suspicious even before I saw you.. your wolf?" Her brow wrinkled as if she couldn't really believe that the wolf had been him. He just shook his head at her with a sigh. The average human not from Isla de los Lobos would have been a little afraid at least. She was different. Jessica was young and full of life. She did most of the talking in their brief conversations, and he was content to let it stay that way. She was also much braver than he would have given her credit for.
Looking back out into the distance, he remained silent. Jessica made up for it, of course. "Where's your pack?" It was an innocent enough question, but it put a vise around his heart. Unconsciously, he fingered the ring on his pinky that he hadn't taken off since the day he left home. Part of him didn't want to answer her question. On the other hand, he was already in hell. What harm could it cause? "I don't have one." Jessica looked confused for a moment before her eyes caught him playing with Elina's engagement ring. Her face fell a little and she sat back, looking sad. "What was her name?" Henry swallowed hard. What the hell? He'd gotten into this situation because he cut himself off from others. Just because he wasn't going home didn't mean he had to repeat the mistakes of the past. He pulled his feet down and leaned forward, turning slightly to face his nosy human neighbor.
"Her name is Elina." He shook his head at himself. He'd tried. Nothing else would come out of his mouth. Instead, he looked down and fingered his glass of lemonade. He could feel Jessica's eyes on him, but he didn't move. He thought she might finally give up on him, but she surprised him by slipping out of the chair to sit on the deck at his feet. She got right into his line of sight so he had no choice but to look at her. She had green eyes framed by light lashes that made her look frosted. All she did was stare at him for a long moment. Henry stared back. "Go home, Henry. I don't know where that is, or what is waiting for you, but you're miserable. Go home." He was shaking his head before she even finished. By the time she told him to go home a second time, he was on his feet and moving around her.
He braced his hands on the railing in front of him, not willing to admit how tempted he was to go. Even knowing what it would mean. It would mean facing up to his mistakes. It would mean seeing the hurt and anger in Elina's eyes over what he'd done. It would mean exposing who he truly was to everyone. If he went back, there would be no more hiding. They could either deal with him as he was, or deal with him as he was. He shook his head at himself. The thoughts were pointless. He wasn't going back. He couldn't. The scent of lavender wafted to him as Jessica stood and leaned against the railing next to him. "You know, I don't know much about Lycans, but I know wolves aren't meant to be alone. I also know they mate for life." She looked at him but he didn't respond so she went on. "I don't know what happened or why, or what it is that's keeping you from going back to wherever you came from, but I've been watching you pace around this beach for nearly a month now. You don't talk to anyone, you barely even look at anyone. All you do is stare out over the water like you're contemplating drowning yourself. Can you even drown? Nevermind. Stupid question. The point is, love is a rare thing. I can tell you feel it. Whether you want it to or not, it changes you. You can either accept those changes, or fight them. It doesn't make a difference either way. You're still different after experiencing it."
Henry looked at her then, his eyebrow raised. She just looked at him as if she was waiting for some kind of revelation on his part. Well, he was more stubborn than that. With a sigh, he looked back out over the water just like she'd accused him of doing for hours on end. He didn't even see her hand coming. Abruptly, she whacked him in the back of his head, making him flinch. He was a lycan prince, and this... she just... He stared at her. "You really are a fool." He scoffed without smiling. The girl had guts, he'd give her that. "I've been accused of much worse. Why are you even talking to me anyway? I thought I was supposed to be scary." Jessica scoffed and turned around, leaning her back against the peeling white paint of the railing. "Scary? Looking like you're about cry any minute? Not so much. Sorry big guy." Henry glared at her then, which she pretended to ignore. "Why don't you tell me what happened? I mean, sometimes talking to a stranger is easier than opening up to someone you know." She cocked her head at him and he clenched his teeth. Why did she want to know so bad, anyway? It wasn't like they were friends. They'd barely talked five times.
He took a sip of his lemonade, then glared at it too. It still needed sugar. He sat it down with a sigh and looked at Jessica. He was already in hell, what did anything matter anymore? With that thought, he told her everything. She watched him in silence the entire time, barely moving. After awhile, he almost forgot she was there. He left out the part about his station within the royal family. He made it all the way to the giant confrontation that had happened at his engagement announcement. That's when the tears started to form again and he stopped to wipe them away angrily. "Anyway, it all came out and I ran." It sounded a little foolish when he said it out loud. He shook his head through the tears, so he didn't see Jessica's hand come out of nowhere once again and smack him in the head. "You are a fool. Now go home." He turned and glared at her again, this time letting out a deep, rumbling growl. She just stared at him, and he turned to face her fully, standing at his full height and generally being as intimidating as possible. She surprised him by smiling. "Ah, there you are. Nice to meet you, Henry." He deflated a little and frowned at her. Did nobody believe.... "I give up."
Jessica laid a hand on his shoulder as he slumped. "Henry, you are who you are. Someone important by the sound of it, and you love this Elina. If she loves you half as much as you do her, she'll forgive you. Maybe not right away, but she will. That's how love works." She shrugged and her voice was gentle. "Go home. It sounds like you have a family and a pack that cares a great deal about you, even if you did act like an ass." Henry rolled his eyes at her. Going back would mean living up to his mistakes and doing his best to make up for it. It would mean going back to work, and making more apologies than he cared to think about. It would mean working to earn approval and being the prince he was trained to be. No more hiding from his past. No more hiding from anything. He was stronger than that. After what he'd been through these past few weeks, it was nothing, really, and it would also mean marriage. He'd get to run his fingers through Elina's hair again. He'd get to listen to her yell at him over stupid things, and see the look in her eye when she was proud of him for something. He'd get to kiss that pouty bottom lip of hers when she slept. His heart pounded at the battle that raged inside himself, and he swallowed hard. "I'll think about it."
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Post by henry on Jul 1, 2011 1:00:04 GMT -6
Part Four: Yep, I'm Still a Fool... But I Know it Now ~----~ The next morning ~----~
Henry woke up with a gasp. The dream had been vivid. Reaching up, he felt the tears on his face and he groaned. He couldn't do this anymore. Not after the conversation with Jessica. Throwing off the blanket, he walked out into the woods in his boxers, knowing that his closest neighbor already knew he wasn't human. Of course, she would have to be a stalker to catch him up at four o'clock in the morning anyway. He couldn't shake off the feeling of the dream as he walked, even though he tried. Stopping at a small tree, he sat down on the ground with his bare back to it, letting the moonlight filter down through the trees to his skin. There was a much larger tree in front of him that he'd found on his second day here on the beach. It was old and gnarled, and someone had carved a face into the trunk. Once upon a time, it had probably been very life-like, but time and the tree's growth had distorted it into something inhuman. Henry stared at it in deep thought.
Home. It was a nice thought until he considered what he'd left behind. The dream nagged at him, showing him just what that was. A life. A family. A pack. Elina. His own personal angel. Letting his head fall back, he stared up at the moon, much like he had the night he'd left it all behind. He'd asked Luna for help then, but had been denied. Perhaps he hadn't been ready to hear her then. Or maybe he'd been to blinded to understand what he'd known all along. Sometimes running didn't work. Sometimes when you ran, you brought your pain with you. Hiding himself behind walls of idiocy for most of his life hadn't done him any good, and it wasn't doing him any good now. If he went back, would he really be any more unhappy than he was now? The answer to that was easy. Absolutely not, because he felt like shit here. Going back would be hard, but no harder than leaving had been.
Henry hadn't realized that he made his choice until he stood up. The silver bands around his heart had vanished, and for the first time in weeks, he smiled. Taking one last look at the gnarled old tree, he looked up. "Thank you, Luna. I may be a fool, but I'm a fool in love and I'm going home." He laughed then, looking and sounding like a crazy person in the woods at four o'clock in the morning in his underwear. He didn't care. He was going home. He ran back to his cabin and scribbled a quick note to Jessica, thanking her and letting her know that whatever was left in the cabin was hers. Doing some quick math in his head, he started to panic. The wedding was in three days. He couldn't wait for a boat to take him back, and he didn't have any money left for a plane. He looked out over the water once again and he knew what he was going to do. Ah hell. Despite Jessica's beliefs, lycans could drown, but he'd be damned if he was going to.
Setting down the note to Jessica on his deck chair, he quickly placed a rock on it so it wouldn't blow away. There was a light on in her cabin down the beach, but he didn't say goodbye. He didn't have time. He had to get back as soon as possible, and hopefully not kill himself on the way there. Without further ado, he slipped out of his boxers and took the ring off of his finger. He kissed it, his link to Elina. Then he put it in his mouth. It was the one place he knew he wouldn't lose it on this psychotically stupid journey of his. Then he shifted. Bones cracked and moved. His muscled jumped under his skin and tendons snapped. He gritted his teeth and rode out the pain of it as fur grew all over him. When it was over, he shook out his mass of black hair before letting out one long, loud howl. The prince was going home. He was too focused on his destination to see Jessica's smiling face watching him from her window.
A half mile from the shores of Isla de los Lobos, another storm broke overhead. Love was starting to be a pain in his backside right about now. Three times, he'd nearly swallowed Elina's ring, and his muscles were cramping. He held on to the ring and his thoughts of her with equal tenacity and he growled. He'd come too far to throw in the towel now. Salty water churned around him, but he kept at it. Prince Henry David Niall was going home, and the ocean in the middle of a freak winter storm wasn't going to stop him. He didn't care how tired he was. Nothing was going to keep him from seeing Elina again, even if it killed him. Hopefully, with a little luck and determination, he could keep that from happening.
Henry didn't bother shaking out his fur once he was on land. He just flopped down into a soggy pile of wolf and breathed while the rain pounded down on him. The storm made it hard to judge what time it was, but the sun was up even if he couldn't tell where it was. It could have been anywhere from late morning to mid afternoon. It didn't matter too much. The hard part of his journey was over. He laid there for a good ten minutes, catching his breath before he stood on shaky legs. Even with four of them, it was harder to stand than he thought it would be. One step at a time, Henry. In his head, the voice belonged to Dawn. He let out a tired breath and started walking. He didn't have it in him to run, no matter how much he wanted to. The dream he'd had still played in his mind. That was what he was going back to. He just had to work for it.
The palace came into sight as the sun was going down, and Henry's paws dragged as he walked. He didn't want to stop, though. Too much was at stake. Stopping at an abandoned fox den, he sniffed to make sure that his emergency stash of clothes were still inside. He had hiding spots all across the island, just in case. Thankful that they were there, he shifted back in to his human form. Once again, he lost himself to the pain of it as his body contorted itself. It was worse this time, being exhausted as he was and after his body had already taken such a beating in the water. His sore muscles screamed in protest, but he didn't make a sound. Physical pain was something he could handle. Finally, he spit the ring out and slipped it on his finger before getting dressed as quickly as he could. He knew that wet clothes were harder to get on than dry ones, and the rain hadn't let up at all. Yes, love was a pain in his backside. He wouldn't have traded it for anything, though.
The end of his journey found him staring up at the palace walls. He wanted to slip in without alerting anyone to his presence, but it was nearly impossible. The guards were well trained, and he was too tired to climb. No. No, he was going to walk in the front door like the prince he was. The time for running or hiding, the time of climbing up walls to avoid guards was over. Taking a deep breath, he entered the palace. Luckily, it was Jason who saw him first. Henry raised his hand before the guard could say anything. "Jason. Wait at least an hour before you tell anyone that I'm back. Especially my father. Unless he asks directly, of course, which I doubt he will." Jason's eyes were wide, but he nodded, bless the man. "Your Grace, let me escort you, at least." Henry shook his head. He needed to do this on his own. Patting Jason on the shoulder, he turned away. His future was up there, in a room filled with orchids.
Henry took a deep, steadying breath as he neared his door. He closed his eyes for a moment and kept them closed as he pushed the door open. He stood there, dripping wet and exhausted, and not caring one whit, because at that moment, Elina's scent hit him full force and he fell to his knees. He was home. He let the exhaustion take him for a moment and he simply breathed in her scent. Then he opened his eyes and looked up, the muscles of his neck straining in their fatigue. There she was. His mind went blank and all he saw was her. He didn't know what he could say to her that would make up for the things he'd done. He didn't suppose there really was anything, so he said the first thing that popped in his head. "I love you." That was all he could get out before exhaustion finally took him completely and he collapsed to the floor.
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Post by Baroness Elina Cali on Aug 2, 2011 17:12:11 GMT -6
Elina was in the process of packing her things for England. She told Vaan that if Henry did not return in time for the masquerade ball, she wished for him to announce the wedding cancellation. She didn’t want to go to England. She knew that she would be miserable without him, but she thought it was for the best. Luna help her, she still loved Henry with all her heart. But he wasn't ready for her or the pup she carried in her belly. Their pup. Knowing that a part of him was growing inside her helped her a little. Gave her strength in her decision. She would always have a part of him with her. A symbol of their love because she believed he really did love her. She was packing up, going to her family's summer home up in the highlands of Scotland to hide herself and her pup away from the courts. Away from speculations and rumors. She knew that there would be many speculations and rumors once she left, but in Scotland, she wouldn't have to know about it. She had to admit. She would miss her mother and sister. They promised to come and visit regularly, but they couldn't bring the island with them. She would miss Isla de los Lobos. It was her real home. It was where she had been born and raised.
So you can imagine her surprise when Henry came in, soaked to the bone, murmured "I love you" and collapsed to the floor. Elina just stood there, frozen with surprise, toiletries travel bag in hand. After the initial shock, she came to and retrieved a guard to help her get him undressed and dried off before setting him on the couch closest to the fire place. While she tucked Henry in under a warm quilt with a pillow, the guard started a fire for them to help warm the room up so that Henry wouldn’t freeze to death. He felt ice cold when she touched him, and it worried her a little. Once they were settled she told the guard to leave them and go inform Vaan, but she also relayed a message to not bother them for a bit. She imagined Henry would have things to say. She would listen, but she wasn't sure she would forgive him right away.
Luna, she loved him, but she was ill with Henry for leaving like he did. Not a word. Not a note. Gone for weeks. Between her morning sickness and the fact that the bed was empty, Elina hadn’t gotten much sleep over the last three weeks. She sighed and went to fix him some food, fixing him a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. About the only thing other than scrambled eggs she could cook. She sighed and carried that and a glass of water to the couch and set it on the coffee table before she left Henry to sleep while she started unpacking and getting her things out for the masquerade.
She needed to think . Think about what she was going to do. Was she going to tell him about the pup? Maybe it was best to wait and see if he would stick around before she told him he would be a father. She looked to the suitcase for a moment thoughtfully, fingering the zipper before she started taking out clothes and putting them in their rightful places. She had to stop for a moment, suddenly feeling a long wave of nausea wash over her. She leaned against the suitcase for a moment, taking several deep breaths to try and sooth the raging pang in her stomach. It had gotten a lot worse since she realized she was pregnant. At first she threw up every couple of days. She thought it was just some sort of bug or virus, but as the morning sickness progressively got worse when more symptoms began to appear. A couple of weeks before Henry’s disappearance she had trouble letting him touch her breasts. They hurt so much. They weren't as bad now, but when she discovered she’d missed a cycle she quickly realized there was no way this was some sort of sickness. Not when it started getting worse. She couldn’t keep anything down. She had to eat, but she didn’t want to. She did though. For the sake of the pup, she ate and prayed her stomach would keep it down, knowing it wouldn't.
She sighed and sat down after a minute, laying a hand over her belly. "Pup…. You've got to cooperate with me for a while… " She murmured the words weakly, rubbing her stomach for a moment before she sighed and laid down, curling up on the bed, leaving the partially packed suite case at the foot of the bed.
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Post by henry on Aug 2, 2011 18:21:09 GMT -6
It wasn't a good dream. Henry could feel the vestiges of pain and torment even as he became aware of the throbbing in his head. He took a deep breath without opening his eyes, trying to figure out where he was, but too tired to put much effort into it. Elina's scent hit him like a sack of bricks and he sat bolt upright, his eyes springing open. He's made it. He was home. Nausea swept over him and he brought his hand up to his head, swallowing convulsively. Apparently he hadn't imagined the three gallons of seawater he thought he'd swallowed. His heart beat furiously with the knowledge that he was back where he belonged, and with apprehension of what was to come. Slowly, the churning in his stomach subsided, but the throbbing in his head seemed content to beat away for years to come.
Swinging his legs off the side of the couch, he became aware that he wasn't dripping wet anymore. He'd been undressed and placed in front of the fireplace which crackled and popped with flames. How long had he been out? He was barely aware of what day it was, but he knew he had gotten back before the wedding. That much he was sure of. But what day was it now? Or had he only been asleep for hours? His eyes scanned the room for Elina, but found no trace of her. Instead, his eyes landed on the food on the coffee table. There was a grilled cheese sandwich, some tomato soup, and a glass of water. In that moment, it was probably the most beautiful thing he could have seen other than Elina. This meal had her mark on it, which meant she was at least not going to murder him in his sleep. He wouldn't have blamed her if she had. After sleeping with Adrienne after promising his fidelity, and then disappearing for three and a half weeks, he wasn't expecting her to run and jump into his arms. He wanted it, but he didn't expect it.
Henry went for the water first, needing to wet his parched throat. Apparently, he hadn't gotten enough water with the swim and the long trek back to the palace in a downpour. The glass half empty, no, half full, he told himself.... The glass half full, he started in on the food, but slowly. On the trip back home, he'd been too focused on his destination to think much about what he'd do once he got here. There were about a million and a half apologies to make, and not just to Elina. He was past the point of feeling scared or ashamed of who he was. He'd just have to do the best he could and for once in his life, be honest and real about it. If the rest of the lycan community couldn't handle that, then it was their problem. Not his.
Polishing off the rest of the water, Henry slowly stood up, taking the quilt with him. He wasn't the most modest person, but he thought that if Elina was in the suite anywhere, she wouldn't appreciate him barging in on her naked. Not after what he'd put her through. Guilt started to creep up on him, but he didn't let it slow his steps. He didn't fight it, either. That was half the trouble with him, trying to hide what he felt by beating his emotions into submission before they could destroy him. It was how he'd coped as a pup. All that pain, he just pushed it deeper and deeper, until he wasn't sure he could find it within himself anymore. It seems it was only a temporary solution. Sighing, Henry rested his head against the bedroom door. "Elina?" Part of him still wanted to run, or hide, or pretend everything was alright, but he couldn't. If he didn't face up to his life and what he'd done, he was going to lose the one thing that meant the most to him.
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Post by Baroness Elina Cali on Aug 3, 2011 13:25:04 GMT -6
Elina's head lifted at the sound of his voice and she pushed aside the nausea. She wasn't ready to tell him. He wasn't ready to be told. She didn't want him to be suspicious about it either, so she had to do her best to be strong and keep a straight face. She studied him as he stood there in the doorway of their suite. She slowly sat up, taking the hand from her sensitive belly before he could see it. "Henry.... " She said the name coldly, though it hurt to say it in such a way. She only wanted him to wrap his arms around her and hold her close, but she was too ill with him to let him. How could she just run into his arms after everything he had done to her? She would have been willing to accept his forgiveness for Adrienne. She knew how he was, and she was a little surprised. Surprised that he went to Adrienne only once in their entire time as an intimate couple. She understood once she had a few days to mull it over though. He had been scared. She scared him. She hadn't meant to, but she did, and he acted in the way he always acted when he was scared.
She could have easily forgiven him for Adrienne. She could not so easily forgive him for leaving her and all the people who had been counting on him like he did though. He left her. He left his father. His brother and Rachel and nieces. He left all the people who were dearest to him that night. She remembered how much it had hurt when she finally made the realization he wouldn't come back. She had spent several days in front of a toilet, crying her eyes out and vomiting her stomach up even when there was nothing for her stomach to eject. She was miserable without him. The only time she ever went out was when she wanted to sit in the gardens and think or when she talked to Vaan about the pup and her plans. Other than that, she kept herself locked up in this suite, which was full of reminders of him and their time together. She rather be surrounded by all of them though than to sit at court and listen to all the murmurs of gossip that everyone would speak as she walked past them. She couldn't handle that. She had seen all the looks people gave her those first few days she wandered the palace she hoping for Henry's return. When she finally realized he wasn't coming back she just couldn't handle being out in public eye any longer.
"Your clothes for the masquerade are in the closet." She said faintly as she climbed out of the bed and reached into the suit case for her toiletries bag before going into the bathroom to start getting ready. It would take a bit of time and expertise to hide what she could from the public eye when it came to her condition. She didn't really want to attend the masquerade. Even if Henry had returned. She just wanted to curl up on the bed and rest. She didn't have much energy for the masquerade these days and there is no way she would be able to stomach any of the food. As much as she had relished the idea of flaunting herself around in the beautiful dress she had selected a month ago, she was not so giddy about the dress now.
She sat down at the vanity counter of the bathroom and dumped a bunch of stuff out of her bag in a rather agitated manner before she started to go through the make-up and put the tubes and pallets in their places on the vanity counter before she began the process of doing her face. The masquerade would start in only a few hours. She knew it wouldn't take Henry as to get read, but it would take a lot of time for Elina to do her hair and make-up.
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Post by henry on Aug 4, 2011 21:53:07 GMT -6
Henry almost didn't want to look at her. He craved it, to see her again, but he also feared her reaction to him. His fingers clenched into a fist. It was an instinctive reaction to the anger and guilt he had for himself and he couldn't help it. It was so clear to him now. All the mistakes he'd made over the course of his life. He'd done it all because he thought that's how things had to be. Then Elina came into his life and taught him how to love. And what did he do? He ran away from it with his tail tucked between his legs. All because he was too cowardly to face his past? To face his feelings? The simple truth was that it wasn't worth it. Leaving Isla de los Lobos was the biggest mistake he'd made in a long list of stupid mistakes. Now he had to grit his teeth and do something he'd never done before. Face the consequences.
Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth but the sound of Elina's voice cut him off. "Henry..." Just his name. Nothing else. Not even any emotion. Those two syllables seemed to flay his heart open and tears jammed in his throat. No, he most certainly wasn't forgiven. He clenched his eyes and his jaw, hating himself for what he'd done. For everything he'd done. The one thing he feared that she'd do to him, leaving, he'd done to her instead. It was something he of all people never should have done. He knew firsthand how much it hurt, but he'd done it anyway. It was probably the most selfish thing he could have done, although it didn't seem that way at the time.
Slowly, he pushed himself away from the door and stood straight, his head still swimming and pounding in a steady rhythm with his heartbeat. More than anything, he wanted to march over to the bed and scoop Elina up in his arms. He wanted to hold her close and tell her that he was never going anywhere ever again unless she was with him. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. But how inadequate was that? A simple apology would never work. No, it was high time that he just opened up to her completely. She still had the power to crush him, but the thought no longer made him panic. There was one fundamental thing that had changed. He trusted her not to. Even after he'd put her through so much by leaving, he was trusting that she wouldn't do the same to him.
Finally, he allowed himself to turn his piercing blue eyes to her. She was sitting up in the bed, and while his heart leaped at the sight of her, he couldn't help noticing that she didn't look well. If he had to guess, he'd say she had lost weight. Her skin was paler than usual and the skin around her eyes was a shade darker. As happy as he was to be back and as happy as he was to see her, it didn't stop his heart from breaking at the sight. It required a great deal of force to remain where he was when all he wanted to do was drop to his knees in front of her and beg for her forgiveness. He almost took a step toward her, but she scooted off of the bed, told him where his clothes were, and calmly walked to the bathroom.
Henry resisted the urge to punch the wall. He really had screwed up everything. At least this time, it was his fault and he knew it. Only after he stared at the closed bathroom door for a moment, did he let his eyes wander elsewhere. It was then that he noticed the half packed suitcases and his brow furrowed. Had she been leaving? Part of him was deeply hurt that she had so little faith in him, but the rest of him understood. He wasn't even sure himself that he'd be coming back, so he had no right to expect others to believe in him. It was something he was going to earn from now on. Taking a deep breath, Henry slowly unpacked her things and put them away for her before getting his own things out of the closet. He moved methodically, taking his time and allowing himself time to gather his thoughts.
It seemed like no time at all before only his jacket and his mask lay on the bed, ready for him to don. He wasn't sure he was ready for this. All too often, he had to think up something to say. Henry shook his head. He'd call it what it was. All to often, he had to lie. He would make up some smart ass remark that covered up how he really felt. Well, taking that into consideration it was probably best that he didn't think about what to say. He wanted this to come from his heart. Taking a deep breath, he walked to the bathroom door, turned his back to it, and leaning against it, slid to the floor. He could respect Elina's privacy until she was ready to forgive him... if she forgave him.
His elbows resting on his knees, Henry thought about his feelings instead of his words, not knowing where to begin. There was so much to say, and too few words to express it. He closed his eyes, swallowed once, and began. "I know I can't make up for what I did with a few words, but I still want you to know that I'm sorry. I have no right to ask you for your forgiveness when I can't even forgive myself, so I won't." He paused and wiped away a tear. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, but loving you terrified me. I just kept thinking that my heart was in your hands, and you could crush it whenever you wanted. I failed to realize that I had your heart as well. And I can't tell you how sorry I am that I haven't been taking good care of it. There literally are no words to express it."
Henry took a deep breath, not even knowing where he was going with this. "I never thought I'd fall in love. Not only had I gone to great lengths to prevent it, but I didn't think I deserved it. When... when my mother left... you wouldn't have recognized me then. I did some things that I really regret. I was just... so angry, all the time. I was lost, and alone, and in more pain than one person should have to go through. I lashed out at everyone who crossed my path, driving them away so they couldn't hurt me too. But nothing I ever did then compares to what I did to you. I did the one thing to you that I was so terrified that you'd do to me. I left. It's the single biggest regret I have. I'd give anything to go back and do it over again. To make different choices. To do the right thing and stay by your side. To face my mistakes and my past like the prince I am instead of a lapdog caught in the trash."
After a couple calming breaths, Henry finally stood up and faced the bathroom door. "Elina, I love you so much it hurts, and I know my word doesn't count for much right now, but I promise you that I will never leave your side again." Tears were flowing freely now, and he still felt the urge to run or to make some idiotic comment, but he forced himself to remain standing where he was. "I love you, El. Now, always, and forever." He pushed away from the door slightly and attempted to get himself under control. He wanted to get away, even if it was just out of the bedroom, but he didn't. Not until he calmed down enough to be presentable. The time for running and hiding was over.
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Post by Baroness Elina Cali on Aug 5, 2011 0:54:33 GMT -6
She could hear him moving around in there. She heard the zips of suitcase zippers and frowned softly. Was he putting her stuff away? She listened for a moment longer before she went back to the various moisturizers and products that would help lighten her up and give her a good healthy glow or help to hide the under eye circles from her lack of sleep. It was amazing what cosmetics could do in this day and age. Once the skin care products were put on she began the process of fixing her make-up. She didn't bother with any eye make-up, knowing her face would be covered mostly by the beautiful mask she would wear tonight. She only focused on her nails and her her lips. She sat, letting her nails dry for a while before she began with her hair. She was working on her hair when she heard him slide down the door. She looked to the bedroom door with a frown, thinking he would come in here to talk to her. Instead he talked from the other side of the door. He wasn't going to bother her. She knew she put off a do not disturb sort of vibe, but a part of her wished that he would come through the door and talk to her.
She listened though. She listened as she continued to work with her hair, styling it till she found exactly what she want. Her hand stilled and laid in her lap as he continued and she bit her bottom lip softly. She had no idea what to say or do. She wanted to say something to him, but she could think of nothing. She just listened, wishing to touch him in some intimate, soft way, but she knew if she did, her resolve would be gone and she would not be able to be strong and keep giving him the cold shoulder. She didn't want to do it, but he had not only seriously hurt her. He had betrayed her trust. She could forgive him for Adrienne, had a long time ago as a matter of fact, but her forgiveness for what he had down to her over the last three and a half weeks would take time.
She closed her eyes when those three words escaped her lips. He had no idea how badly she wanted to return those words. How badly it had hurt every time she told him she loved him and got no return from them. He had no idea. As much as she wanted to return the words though, he was about to learn what it meant to get no return. She said nothing. She sat there for a moment, fighting back her own tears. If she cried she would have to do her makeup all over again, and she didn't want that right now. She sighed and took sever deep breaths, studying herself in the mirror. She did not look quite so sickly as she had before. The wonder make-up could do. But it would not hide how tired she looked or how much weight she had lost in the last couple of weeks. She needed to work on getting her weight back up. For the pup's sake. Her hair was gently tucked back into a very low lying bun ponytail hybrid style that laid against the back of her neck. She sighed and slowly slipped into her dress, zipping it as far up as she could reach.
Elina exited the bathroom, dressed save for her tiara and her mask. She hadn't put too much make-up on. Only what she needed to hide her sickly pallor. She looked to Henry for a moment and approached him slowly. Reaching a hand up to his bow tie she straightened it out before turning his back so he could see that it was partially zipped, a silent plea for him to zip it the rest of the way. She said nothing thought. She had no words to say. He had hurt her and he had apologized, but she was feeling very spiteful. She would make him grovel for a while with the use of the cold shoulder. She looked around the room, noting he had put what had been left in her unpacking process away and put the suitcases away in their closet.
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Post by henry on Aug 13, 2011 12:55:40 GMT -6
Henry thought he might wear a path in the carpeted bedroom as he paced, one hand massaging the back of his neck. He still wasn't quite himself after his treacherous trip back home and his temples were throbbing painfully. His tears didn't help, making his entire head feel swollen. Every few steps, he looked back at the bathroom door, and each time he did, the temptation to march in there and take Elina up in his arms grew stronger. So far, she had given no indication that she'd heard him although he knew she did. Still, not a sound could be heard from her beside her steady breathing and the occasional scuffle of her things as she readied herself for the masquerade. The silence built to a nearly intolerable level, almost as if it were alive and trying desperately to suffocate him with its oppressiveness. He wanted to hear her voice, even if she was shouting at him. Anything would be better than this cold indifference.
There was a click as the bathroom door opened and he spun around, simultaneously bringing his hand down from his neck. So beautiful. Elina looked like she'd been through hell, but she was still the most beautiful thing he could have seen. Her dress hugged every curve, but was modest in other ways. Guilt ate at him that he could be so stupid as to run away from a love like this. That he could be so stupid as to hurt Elina the way he had. Remaining still, he couldn't take his eyes off of her as she approached him. He didn't know what he was expecting her to do, but was still surprised when she reached up and straightened his tie. The message couldn't have been plainer. I don't wish you harm, you're not forgiven, and we have an appearance to make. Even though she hadn't said it out loud, he nodded, his eyes downcast.
Elina turned her back to him, showing her partially zipped up dress. Henry sighed and fought the urge to run his fingertips over her exposed skin. As much as this cold shoulder bothered him he was really hoping to avoid her wrath. He'd seen her enraged and it was something he didn't want to face. Still, he moved closer to her so that he could feel her warmth, barely an inch between their bodies. Slowly, he raised his hand and grasped the zipper, pulling it up gently. Before he could think about it, before he could change his mind, he bent forward and pressed his lips to the back of her neck. His breath fanned against her skin and he tried to think of something to say, but the words wouldn't come. Some emotions transcended speech, leaving very few ways for them to be expressed. He'd tried his best to say as much as he could and the rest was up to her.
Henry released the zipper and stepped back before he did something more idiotic than usual, his heart hammering and Elina's scent still taunting him. Turning, he picked up his jacket and slipped it on before picking up the mask and fingering it in his hands. For a moment, he just closed his eyes, reviewing what he had to do. In a literal sense, there was a certain way he must present himself at court, but his real goals ran much deeper than one simple court function. He wanted to make some serious changes to himself and how he treated those closest to him, and he wasn't quite sure how to accomplish that. The entire prospect seemed daunting. For the past century, everyone had believed him to be a callous jerk. When he thought about it, he had been. Starting today, all of that would change. No more running. No more hiding. A new sort of determination filled him and he clenched his mask in his hand. Henry took a deep breath and stood up straighter before turning to Elina. "Are you ready?" And, oh, how many ways that one simple question could be taken.
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Post by Baroness Elina Cali on Aug 13, 2011 20:39:32 GMT -6
Elina closed her eyes and tensed up when she felt him draw closer to her. She suspected he might try to use that charm and seduction to win her back, but it would take much more than that to win her forgiveness from her. She relaxed when she felt and heard the zipper zip the rest of the way. She tensed once more when she felt his warm breath on her neck then his lips. She moved away from quickly as his lips brushed over her soft flesh. It took every being in her body not to quiver in delight as she often did when he did that. She wanted to badly to feel it again and again. To be taken by him right there, but she couldn't. She quickly reminded herself of all the hurt and pain she had caused her.
He had always feared that she would hurt him. It never occurred to him that he was just as capable of hurting her as she was of him. He hurt her more than she could ever have hurt him. It had hurt when she realized he may very well not come back, and hearing some of the rumors had cut even deeper, but when she realized she was pregnant it hurt the most. Henry was supposed to be the first to know about their pup. Not Vaan. Not Dr. Alder. Not even Rachel. It was supposed to be Henry. Henry was the one who was supposed to know about the pup first. So the two of them could plan how to tell their families. Instead she went to Vaan in tears, scared because she was with pup and her future husband and the father of said unborn child was no where to be found. She knew he didn't know about it, but it still hurt.
She took a very discreet, deep breath once she had some distance between then and her eyes fluttered open. She did not look at him. She did not speak to him. Tonight she would probably only speak to him while in the public eye for the most part. Her movements said enough about the situation. At the moment they had an appearance to make. All would have to appear well enough between the Prince and his future wife. She was already going to have to face some of the rumors that were flying around the court about his disappearance. Now there would only be more of them. More nastiness and untruth. It was something Elina did not want to face. She would rather the two of them just hide away in the suite tonight, but she knew better. It would be better for her and Henry to make an appearance, even if it is just a short one. Elina was not sure how long she would last, and she knew she wouldn't be able to eat anything. She would have to think up a way to trick Henry into thinking she was eating. She wasn't sure if he would catch on r not, but if he saw she wasn't eating or if he saw her get sick because of eating, he would grow suspicious.
She wasn't ready to tell him yet. She wished she never had to at this point, but he would figure it all out eventually. She would tell him when she was ready.
She was at the dresser when he asked if she was ready. She looked to him for a moment before she picked up the tiara she had chosen from the royal vault for the night and gently placed it on her head, making sure it was straight. She picked up her mask and studied it thoughtfully for a moment, running her finger along the feathers thoughtlessly before she looked up to him and nodded in answer. "I am... and you?" She asked calmly, in as neutral a tone as she could muster.
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Post by henry on Aug 16, 2011 11:31:29 GMT -6
Henry's mask felt horribly brittle between his fingers. He watched the light play over the uneven surface of it as he tried to ignore the way Elina had pulled away from. For a long time, he'd known he wasn't good with rejection. It didn't matter where it came from, really. But somehow, Elina moving away from his touch was worse than he'd imagined. He sighed as he thought about it. She had moved away from him before, though. He was sure of it. What made this time different? Perhaps it simply cut deeper because he knew he was the cause of it. No, he'd been the cause of it before as well. He didn't want to admit it, but he knew the real reason. It was because he wasn't acting. He wasn't pretending or faking anything. He wasn't hiding how he felt or trying to run from it. It was much easier to face rejection knowing that it wasn't really him someone was rejecting. That wasn't the case here. Elina knew him better than anyone else, and still she'd moved away from him. It cut deeper than he would have liked.
As Henry turned toward Elina, he saw the way the light played in her hair and the way her neck curved into her shoulder. His eyes trailed along every curve as he breathed in her scent. The feel of his lips against her skin had been worth the price of rejection. Even if she was hurt and angry, it was worth it. Once again, he had the desire to wrap her up in his arms and comfort her, but how could he? He could feel that the gesture wouldn't be welcome, at least not from him. He shook his head at himself and cast his eyes to the floor, forcing his thoughts to the upcoming masquerade. He needed to focus on making a presentation, but he couldn't stop a fair amount of dread that curled in his gut like a lead weight. He needed to be in here, doing his best to make amends instead of out there putting on a show. Repeatedly, he had to remind himself that he had other people to make up to as well. Elina just happened to be the most important.
"I am... and you?" Henry flinched at the frigid air in her voice as he brought his eyes up to meet hers. "Not even close, but that rarely matters." He took a couple hesitant steps toward her, relying on instinct to tell him when to stop. "I'd much rather be in here with you, but I have others to apologize to as well. Maybe... maybe I can at least start to make up for the things I've done." A self-depreciating smile curved his lips. "I'll probably be making apologies for the rest of my life. Still, coming back was easier than leaving. Despite the reception I knew I'd get." He couldn't help the slight nausea that he felt at the thought of facing his father once again. Elina wasn't the only one he'd hurt with his foolish flight, but he knew he'd hurt her deeply. It would take time for her to heal if she ever did.
Henry's thoughts strayed to the upcoming wedding and wondered what it would be like if Elina was still angry with him. He wanted it to be perfect for her like she deserved and couldn't help feeling that the entire affair would be marred with hard feelings, guilt, and animosity. He didn't want that. He wanted to see her smiling and radiant. Judging by the way she looked at him now, she might never have smiled at him. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and held out his arm to her not knowing if she'd take it or not. "Time for me to face the music, I suppose." He couldn't keep the anxiety and trepidation out of his voice and he didn't care to try. If there was ever a time when he needed her, it was this first trip back into court where he was sure to receive more rejection than ever before. Keeping his voice open and honest, he stared into Elina's eyes. "Please?"
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Post by Baroness Elina Cali on Aug 16, 2011 13:58:07 GMT -6
She knew it would hurt. The rejection she gave him. That had been part of why she was being so cold to him. He hurt her and he needed to understand that. She did not wish to hurt him, for she knew how much rejection truly hurt him. And her rejection was not the only he would face tonight. There were many who were mad with him for leaving as he had. He left everyone he loved and cared about here when he ran. Elina was not the only one he hurt.
She looked down to mask as he began to speak. It seemed like not even this beautiful mask she had chose would be able to hide her shame and anger she held towards Henry. She glanced to him for a moment as he spoke, studying him. He had much to make up to many people now. And that was why she would forgive him. Because he knew what he did . He understood the hurt he caused, and he was going to do his best to make it up to him. Now that he had returned she could heal. And with time he would learn of the family they would build together soon.
She looked to his offered arm then lifted those doe eyes to meet his gaze. She saw the sincere plea and she accepted that. They needed a bit of each other in this case. She had rumors and gossip to face, and he had much rejections to face. She could easily reject him in his attentions and apologies for the time being, but she could not stand to sit and watched the rejection of the court she knew he would face tonight. She knew she hurt him once tonight, and he would face much more hurt. She could not let him face that. She studied him for a very long, silent moment before she reached a hand up and laid it over his cheek. Damn him for being so irresistible. As much as she had been hurt, she would forgive him, but not tonight. Tonight they had a masquerade to get through. She stroked his cheek softly as her eyes stayed on his. "You will not be alone tonight, Henry. " She said softly, her tone softening from the coldness she had issued to him moments ago. "Do not take this as an apology though. I have not forgiven you yet, Henry, but I can not sit back and allow the wolves to feast upon you if I plan to forgive you." She lowered her hand and softly looked her arm through the one he offered.
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